Yesterday.

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Tempe, AZ. Its monsoon season, lovely. Tuesday is usually the day that i go to design studio class. i drove to class and parked, then proceeded to pay for my parking, because you know good old ASU, NOTHING is free. haha. so its raining and i get up to the pay station and guess what....the thing wont read my card. so after 5 minutes of trying desperately to get it read my card i decide to try and find some free parking....to my surprise (not) there were none left and it was 6.20 pm...studio started at 6. 

then i remembered that it was stake temple night. so i figured ehhh what the heck i havent been to the temple in a while. so i went home and got ready and headed on over. of course stake temple night really means all of the endowed people go to a session and like two people go to do baptisms because NO ONE goes to do baptisms. so i basically went by myself, which is a thing i dont do often.

pause for a "life of kellie taylor" history lesson.

so up until this point i hadn't gone to the temple since scott and i broke up...for a lot of reasons. one being i hadn't been going to church regularly....which i'm working on. i finally found a ward to go to where i dont feel totally upset and worthless when i go. things are looking up. but i dunno why i didnt go. in retrospect i should have been going every single day with or without scott.

resume current story:

so there i was at the temple all by myself. and it just felt so amazing to be there. all i could think was "how could i have not come for almost four months?!" and "there is so much work and service to be done" it was kind of a mix of happiness and disappointment. i was so happy to be there but so disappointed in myself for not going for so long.

i must say it was weird going to the temple without scott, but something interesting happend this time when i went. when i would drag scott there (it was a real struggle to get him there, like pulling teeth) we'd get in there and i would just feel uneasy. which when i was engaged to him i would never admit. but this time i didnt feel that. without him there i was able to feel the peace that had been missing from my weekly visits. and this peace that came over me was another way that Heavenly Father let me know that not marrying scott was a good choice. 

ya know, i havent talked to scott in about two months. and with each day his memory fades from my mind. each day i feel better and better. and i really know that this is better for me. at one point in my life i thought i was destined to be a wife to someone who didnt really care about me and someone who i'd have to take care of for the rest of my life. and hey i was ready to do that and willing to do that. but now i dont have to be that woman. i now realize my potential in a lot of different areas.

i know that one day i'll make an awesome loyal mother and wife, and i am capable of loving others more than myself. but thats not gonna happen right now. but thinking about the crappy life i would have had and comparing it to the amazing, bright and wonderful life i can have makes me feel a heck of a lot better. i may not be married, but hopefully one day i'll get lucky and find some ace of a guy who will love me just as much as i love him. whoo. but thats the future.....way in the future! haha.

i'm going to finish college and be an engineer! now there arent many latinas out there who can say that. BOO YAH! (latina powwwer!) and ya know what, i'm gonna travel the world and save my money and own a burberry bag and live in chicago and then in australia. i still get to live all of my dreams. i'm so excited for my future to begin. just gotta hang in there for 1.5 years. i cant wait.

wow holy long blog.

i'll just finish it off with a good youtube video to keep you engaged....haha! i do love a good mr timn video...