sometimes//

sometimes life is really good, sometimes life is just okay, and sometimes life sucks....and then you move on. there are brighter and better days in my future, and as bad as it hurts i know i'm free. now i can concentrate on what really matters the Gospel and school.

before all of this happened i was so determined to go to school get my masters and go to law school and then live in chicago and just be awesome for the rest of my life. then this guy came along and things were really good for a long time pretty much a year and he asked me to marry him so i said yes and i changed my plans, and my hopes. i really feel like i screwed up a year because my grades kind of suck this semester. and then he got depression and pretty much turned into this person that i didnt know, i dont know what happened to him and i went through a lot of verbal abuse and some other stuff id rather not mention, all the while i would take this verbal abuse and try my hardest to help him get through this and get better because i loved him and i was not going to give up on him, and then we decided to postpone the wedding, and then we called it off all together and decided to just date, but i dont want to date him anymore. and sometimes i'm not even sure if i want to be his friend. even now that he's better he's not that great.

so now my heart is broken because i threw everything into this relationship...my heart my soul and my money. sometimes i think, "what a freakin' waste" but you know what in a way im thankful for this, i now know what i want in a man, i have also become so much more in tune with the Holy Ghost and how i should be living my life for Christ and my testimonies of the Lord Jesus Christ and everything that has to do with church have grown tenfold. i feel like i've learned more in the past three weeks than i have in the whole two years i've been a member of this church.

i now know how strong i am, spiritually and physically...and also mentally, cant forget that one. i'm pretty stinking tough and i've proved to myself and others that one day i will be a freaking awesome wife and mom. and i also learned that i am a beautiful, intelligent, strong, spiritual woman. and even if someone calls me fat or unattractive i know now that i am NOT those things. i deserve so much more in a spouse than what i thought i did. and i know for a fact that any guy would be extremely lucky to have me. and i know my Heavenly Father would not want me to have to deal with the crap that i've had to. now i know...

I, Kellie Marie Taylor, will NOT settle for less because I deserve MORE.